Some Kind of Recovery
by rosegoldfocus
Summary: "Like I said, disappearances happen. Pains go phantom. Blood stops running and people, people fade away. There's more I have to say, so much more, but... I've disappeared." Takes place during 3x16 onwards.
1. Timeless

**Some Kind of Recovery**

 **Chapter One**

 **:: A more in-depth look into Meredith's recovery after the drowning incident as well as what happened during the time she was being resuscitated ::**

* * *

 **:: Chapter Inspiration ::**

 **:: _Timeless | Kate Havnevik_ ::**

 _Timeless_

 _Love is a cure_

 _A promise_

 _Still so pure_

 _Rise like the tide_

 _No need to hide it_

 _Fearless_

 _Just like before_

* * *

The cold water was a shock to him as he made contact with the icy surface.

Blinking, he took a moment to adjust to the temperature and for his eyes to clear up but it was no help in seeing anything. The water was so dark, from a mixture of the depth and the fuel that was spilling from the ferry boat above the surface.

 _Where is she?_

Using his arms to push him around, he twirled in circles under the water, trying to find sight of something, _anything_ , but there was nothing. Before he could do anything else, his oxygen began to run out and he was forced to kick towards the surface and take a big gulp of air before diving back under.

By his seventh dive, his heart was beginning to break even further at the fact that he _just wasn't finding anything_.

He didn't know how much longer he could keep doing this. The water was icy and his limbs were beginning to become numb. How long had Meredith been under the water for? Ten minutes? Fifteen? Twenty? He had no idea but he had only been in for no more than ten minutes and he was beginning to struggle. And she was a lot smaller than him, so it would have taken more out of her and _Oh God._

The more time that went by, the more he was beginning to question if she was even in the water. She wasn't there.

* * *

" _Are you sure she's in the water?"_

 _A nod._

* * *

Just as he was about to give up and get out of the water, his foot brushed against something in the water.

At this point, he had moved out a good twenty -five feet from the dock, _how did she get out here?_

Without a second thought, he thrust his hand under the water, searching for anything to grab ahold of. The seconds passed and he was begging to think he had imagined he had felt something when his hand finally wrapped around something soft yet oh so cold. Without even looking down what he had grabbed, he began to kick towards the surface, head becoming lighter with a lack of oxygen.

Once he finally broke the surface, he used his remaining strength to drag whatever he had grabbed to the surface, noticing it was her arm before gathering the rest of Meredith's body against him.

He had hoped that she would have taken a breath when they had broken the surface together but her head quickly rolled onto his shoulder, smashing all the hope.

Pushing her head back a little, he took note of how blue she was, an obvious sign that a) she wasn't breathing at all, and b) she was hypothermic.

Realising he needed to get his breathing under control before he could do anything to help her, he began to cough up the small amount of water he had inhaled.

With a tight grip around Meredith's waist, he began to kick his feet, propelling himself towards the dock.

After what felt like hours, he pushed Meredith's body up onto the dock before pulling himself out of the water. Now that he wasn't fighting to keep them both afloat, he really got a good look at the state Meredith was in.

Her skin was almost the same colour as the light blue scrubs she was wearing.

 _She wasn't breathing._

 _That meant her heart wasn't beating on its own._

Not wanting to truly find out himself, he placed a shaking hand against the side of her neck and waited.

Nothing. No movement.

He had to stop himself from letting out a sob, he quickly gathered her limp body in his arms and ran up the steps of the dock.

As he approached the top, he looked around, trying to find the girl that had directed him in the direction of Meredith to make sure she was okay.

As he did a sweep of the dock with his eyes, he made eye contact with a search and rescue member who was holding the little blonde girl. The man froze for a minute, taking in the sight of the two doctors, one blue and the other carrying her frozen body, both soaked to the bone.

Once he recovered from his initial shock, the man placed the little girl back onto the floor before turning and calling in the direction of the rest of the chaos for a gurney.

Within seconds of calling, or at least what felt like seconds – he didn't really have the right mindset to understand time at that moments, she was being pulled out of his arms onto the gurney.

The minute she was pulled out of his arms, he was pulled out of his state of shock and moved forward, climbing onto the gurney and placing his hands on her chest and began compressions, trying to get her heart beating on its own.

As they moved through the throng of people being treated around the triage centre, one of the paramedics began asking him questions. "Do you know what happened?"

Shaking his head, he replied, "No."

"What about how long she was down for?"

Holding back another sob, he shook his head again, "No."

The paramedic eyed him cautiously, "Do you know this woman?"

"Her name is Meredith Grey."

* * *

At some point, they had made it into the back of an ambulance, him directing the driver to take them to Seattle Grace before he began to strip her soaking clothes off her as they weren't helping with the hypothermia.

Quickly grabbing a blanket that was folded neatly, he threw it over her body before he began compressions again. He could see the other paramedic wanting to help him but he wouldn't give him room to help, and so the paramedic sat back down, constantly glancing back and forth between the road ahead to him in the back.

" _ETA five minutes._ "

He had heard the paramedic call back to him briefly and before he knew it, the doors were being swung open and Miranda Bailey and the paramedic began talking around him.

"Jane Doe, hypothermic, drowning," The paramedic began to call out to her but he quickly snapped at him, "It's not Jane Doe, it's Meredith Grey!" Turning to Miranda, he said, in a much softer tone, "It's Meredith."

Miranda climbed into the ambulance as the began to pull the gurney out, "Derek, how long has she been down?"

"I don't know," he told her, focusing back on his compressions. "She's alive, she's alive, she's alive." He chanted to himself over and over.

"Clear a trauma bay!"

* * *

The activity was buzzing around him as everyone was trying to get everything ready to try and bring Meredith back to life. He could see them inserting a tube into her mouth and connecting it to an Ambu bag, pumping air into her lungs so he didn't have to anymore.

Faintly, he could hear Miranda calling out orders to anyone she could. "Page, the chief, Dr Burke, Dr Montgomery, Dr Sloan and my interns. Page them 911 Meredith, trauma bay one."

He let the other doctors and nurses run around him but he didn't move until the chief came up behind him, trying to push him off of Meredith's cold body so he could take over the compressions and before he knew it, he was sitting on the floor outside the trauma bay, hopelessly watching the door, waiting for someone to come out and tell him that Meredith, _his Meredith_ , wasn't dead anymore and that she was breathing all by herself, not needing anyone to breath for her.

* * *

 _ **Okay, the ferry boat arc is my favourite story line in the history of the show, I don't know why but I totally feel like there needs to be more stories on it. I know I already have another story going but I want to right two so here I am. I'm going to make this story about the period where Meredith recovers from all this because let's be real, you don't die like that and come out of it all fine. So if you want to see more of this story, make sure you let me know with a review!**_


	2. How to Save a Life

**Some Kind of Recovery**

 **Chapter Two**

* * *

 **:: Chapter Inspiration ::**

 **:: _How to Save a Life | The Fray_ ::**

 _Where did I go wrong?_

 _I lost a friend_

 _Somewhere along in the bitterness_

 _And I would have stayed up with you all night_

 _Had I known how to save a life_

* * *

Glancing at her intern's face, Miranda Bailey sighed. They'd already been here for at least twenty minutes, trying to revive them woman on the table but it wasn't coming as easily as they hoped. She spared a quick glance at Richard before focusing back on Meredith. "Chief," She asked. "I know the hypothermia is protective to her vital organs, but… How much longer do you think we can go on like this?"

Richard didn't hesitate to snap back at Miranda, "I've seen people last as long as for hours."

"Yeah, but you-" She began to speak again but Richard cut her off again.

"No, this is not…" He trailed off. "This is Ellis Grey's little girl. This is my…" Miranda didn't know much about what happened between Richard Webber and Ellis Grey, but she knew that it didn't end too well for them and that Meredith, who had only been about four at the time, had had her whole life shifted in the blink of an eye. She had a feeling that Richard was always watching out for Meredith, and it didn't look like he was going to give up anytime soon, even if there was no hope of revival.

Burke stepped in at this point, trying to reassure him, and Miranda had nearly forgotten he was there, "We're all on the same side here, Chief."

Richard stopped the compressions and turned around, doing what only Miranda could assume was holding back tears. She was doing the same thing if she was completely honest. Meredith was dark and twisty, but she managed to make sure that everyone else around her was okay. Miranda had hated her group of interns at first, not wanting to be babysitting them and dragging them around. But then they had started to all grow on her and she found herself being dragged into any drama they had going on, being their resident and all. But this, this whole accident was by far the worst that had happened to the small group of interns. Not even the bomb had caused this much damage to them, because at least then, Meredith was still alive and breathing, albeit shaking and battered from the event.

Stepping up to the table, she replaced Richard's hands in doing the compressions, if he wasn't going to give up then neither was she.

Finally seeming to have collected himself, he turned back around. "Her body temp is at eighty –six degrees. She is not dead until she is warm and dead. We need to warm her up to 98.6 and start her heart."

"Yes, sir."

She couldn't stand it every time someone stopped doing the compressions. Every time they stopped, the long, monotone beep would fill the room, reminding them of what had happened.

Richard had begun ordering around the nurses, telling them what they needed to get to bring the interns temperature back up, but Miranda had blocked them all out.

* * *

Addison stood in the corner of the room, listening to the interaction between Miranda and Richard but couldn't pull her eyes away from Meredith's face.

Her skin was grey, blending into the blankets they had surrounded her in to try and warm her up. The tube that protruded out of her mouth, breathing for her didn't do much to help.

When she had found out seven months ago that her husband was seeing another woman in Seattle, she had hopped on the next plane she could to surprise him. Well, actually, she hadn't been planning on surprising him, she had been trying to call him for nearly a week before she showed up, but of course, he wouldn't pick up the phone.

In all honesty, she had thought the other woman Derek was seeing had known about him being married, but as she introduced herself as Derek's wife, the look on her face had told her everything she needed to know.

She had been expecting Derek to sign the divorce papers straight away, but alas, he did not and they tried to work everything out, coming to nothing.

And then she had found the panties in his jacket pocket.

She didn't hate Meredith. Far from it. The girl was the innocent one in the whole mess between herself, Derek and Mark – _well except the prom incident_.

But then Derek and Meredith had started over and Mark had moved to Seattle and things seemed to smooth out a little.

Until she got the 911 page telling her that Meredith Grey was in trauma bay one when she was on her way to lunch. Confused for a minute as to why she would have been paged to where Meredith was working, But something told her that it wasn't that. So as she made her way to the trauma bay just in time to see Meredith being shocked, everything seemed to click.

She had a feeling her ex-husband was sitting outside the door, waiting for any news about her progress.

Her pager rung on the waist band of her pants, alerting her that she needed to do something with her Jane Doe. Miranda looked over at her, knowing that she would need to walk out past Derek and most likely the other interns.

Placing the pager back in its original place, she explained that she needed to go.

"Just, they're waiting… for you… so. Whatever you choose to say will… "

All Addison could do was a nod, spare one final glance at Meredith and push open the trauma door.

Derek was, as she predicted, on the other side of the door, pacing up and down the hallway. She could see the other interns out of the corner of her eye, all standing a little straighter at the sight of her as Derek strode towards her. " _Tell me._ "

They crossed paths in the middle of the hallway, Addison telling him everything she knew. "Her temp's still only 86. There's still no heartbeat. We're hoping once she warms up-" He cut her off, "I want to go in there. There's a risk of brain damage. I need to go in there." His voice was thick with stress and emotion. How could she have forgotten the risk of brain damage? None of them knew how long Meredith had actually been without oxygen under the water. They may be able to get her heart beating again, but whether she would be able to breathe for herself or even be the same Meredith again was a completely different story.

Giving him a sympathetic look, she told him softly, "Derek, you can't, not for Meredith, not for anybody. You're in no shape."

She noticed that his scrubs seemed to be damp and his hair dripping a little, and then she realised it must have been Derek that pulled her out of the water.

With one final look at him and a nod in Mark's direction, who had at some point joined him in the hallway, she turned and went to deliver the news to the rest of the interns.

* * *

Entering through the door to the hallway, Mark saw Derek curled in on himself, sitting on the floor. There was a small puddle of water surrounding him on the floor and he was shivering a little but he made no move to warm himself up.

That must have meant that the page he received was true and that something had happened to Meredith.

Not knowing where they stood at that moment, Mark quietly made his way down the hallway, coming to a stop next to Derek and quietly lowering himself down onto the floor.

He didn't know exactly what had happened, only that they had both been at the scene of the ferry crash, and now he was receiving a 911 page that Meredith was hurt and Derek was on the floor outside of her trauma room.

The pair sat in silence for who knows how long before Derek spoke up, not turning to look at Mark as he did so. "She was in the water."

Turning his head to look at his long time best friend, Mark asked cautiously, "What?"

"No one knew where she was and then there was the little girl she was with. She pointed that she was in the water and she was in there."

Realisation flooded Mark. The pieces were beginning to fall into place now. Meredith had drowned and Derek had found her.

"It was too late."

"Derek, no, it wasn't too late. They're all working on her in there now, she will survive this." He tried to reassure not only Derek but himself. He didn't know too much about the blonde -haired intern that Derek seemed to have fallen for pretty quickly, but she had made Derek a lot happier than he had seen him in a long time. Mark knew that if she didn't survive this, then Derek wasn't going to come back from the state he was in now.

He had been pretty hard to talk to when his father had died in front of him and Amelia when he was twelve, but slowly he had returned to somewhat of his old self. But now, now he wasn't so sure that he would come back from this blow.

Addison had come out of the trauma room, pausing Derek in his pacing and told him that it didn't look too good. Just before she left to go and talk to the other interns, they had shared a glance around Derek and he knew what it meant. _Don't let Derek go anywhere near that room._

He could see what Derek wanted to do in his eyes but knew he couldn't let him.

"Maybe you should go and get changed." He suggested, seeing the water still dripping off of Derek. "You'll be no good to Meredith if you're sick in a hospital bed with pneumonia."

Derek hesitated for a moment, clearly trying to decide whether or not it was worth going to shower when a shiver tore through his body. Heaving himself up off the ground, he made his way to his office where he kept his clothes when he didn't need them.

Mark was left in the hallway, his thoughts broken when he felt the buzzing in his pocket. Fishing out his phone, he was surprised at who the caller ID was.

* * *

 **What'd you think? Who do you think was calling Mark? I wonder if anyone will get this right, that is, if anyone tries. Thank you for such a great response to the last chapter, you guys are awesome! If we could hit 10 reviews on this story after this chapter, that would be so great! Make sure you let me know what you think and I hope I see you in the next chapter!**


	3. Sleep Don't Weep

**Some Kind of Recovery**

 **Chapter Three**

* * *

 **:: Chapter Inspiration ::**

 **:: _Sleep Don't Weep | Damien Rice_ :: **

_Sleep, don't weep_

 _My sweet love_

 _Your face so wet_

 _And your day_

 _Is Rough_

* * *

Accepting the phone call, Mark brought the phone to his ear but was cut off before he could say anything.

"Mark? Oh thank God, you answered. I've been trying to get ahold of Derek but he won't answer. I saw what happened on the news and I know he's probably working but his phone keeps going to voice mail, so I panicked a little." The woman on the other end answered sheepishly. "But is he okay, Mark? I know he has his thing for ferryboats and I couldn't help but worry that…"

"Mrs Shepherd…" Mark trailed off, still surprised that she called him. Once he processed what Carolyn had said. "He must have had his pager and phone with him in the water with him." He muttered to himself.

"In the water!" He heard three voices exclaim on the other end of the line and winces as he realised he probably shouldn't have said that out loud.

"Marcus Sloan, what do you mean that Derek was in the water?" Carolyn shouted down the phone at him and he had to pull it away a little to save his hearing.

"Well, it's a bit of a long story," Mark started off. "You know there was a ferry crash? Well, they sent a group of our surgical interns to help while they kept most of us here. But then Richard Webber wanted Derek to go down to the dock to help out because of all the head injuries. Anyway, I don't know the full details but Derek mentioned that no one knew where she was for a long time while the other four interns were at the hospital. He ended up pulling her out of the water and she wasn't breathing. I don't know how long she's been down but they haven't gotten her back yet. If I'm completely honest, I don't think she is coming back from this but I won't tell Derek that."

There was a pause on the other end of the line before a different voice asked, "Is 'she' the intern he's obsessed with?"

"Lizzie?" He asked, distracted for a moment as if only just realising there were more than one people on the line. "Meredith, yeah it was her. She's…" Mark glanced towards the closed trauma door. "She's fighting at least."

"Where's Derek now?" Kathleen asked this time.

"I sent him to shower and get changed, we don't need two doctors down with hypothermia."

"Well, when he gets back, tell him to call me so I can talk to him, Mark," Carolyn ordered him and he knew that if he didn't follow through then there would be plenty of trouble facing him.

Running a hand through his hair, he replied, "It's going to have to be my phone. His along with his pager is probably waterlogged. The hospital isn't going to be too happy about his pager. They're down their head of Neuro and five interns. I wouldn't be surprised if they sent the rest of Bailey's interns away anytime soon. There are so many people being brought in, I'm not going to be able to sit here much longer."

"Is it really that bad?" This time it was Nancy talking to him and for a moment, he wondered if Amelia was there too with them. And furthermore, he was surprised that the four, possibly five Shepherd women were talking to him civilly. Although he realised that he was probably the only contact they had with their son and brother.

Footsteps echoed down the hallway and Mark turned to see Derek making his way down the hallway towards him, dressed in his street clothes but looking just as weary as he did when he left. "Hang on, Derek is coming."

The cluster of voices on the other end of the line was drowned out as Mark watched Derek come towards him as he stood to meet him.

He could see the question in Derek's eyes as he got closer. Pulling the phone away from his ear, he handed it over to the dark-haired man, "It's your mother and sisters."

"But why are they-?"

"Because you're not answering your phone, it's probably destroyed." That one sentence reminded Derek of what was happening and he glanced to the trauma door as if looking for answers. "They haven't come out since you left. You should talk to your mom, she's worried about you and wants to know what happened."

Derek took the phone hesitantly, glancing between it and Mark. Once the phone was taken from his hand, Mark turned to give him some privacy. Before he left the hall completely, he turned back and told him, "I'm going to see what I can do to help."

* * *

Never in his life had Derek showered and dressed so quickly. Everything he had done had been automatic, the only thing he was thinking about was getting back to Meredith and making sure she was still there. He hadn't wanted to step away from that hallway, not even for a second in case they had some news about Meredith. He knew Mark was right about potentially becoming sick, no matter how much he didn't really want to think about Mark at that moment.

As he made his way back down the hallway, he was hoping that there had been some news about Meredith but was instead greeted by Mark talking on his cellphone to someone.

Derek had to admit, he was surprised that his mother and sisters were talking to him, seeing as they had seemed to pretty much hate him for being a factor in driving Derek away from his family and marriage.

Not putting the phone up to his ear straight away, Derek watched as Mark left through the double swing doors, then looked at the interns for a moment, noticing that Cristina was gone along with Alex, leaving Izzie and George. Finally, he let his eyes drift over to the door that was firmly shut, blocking him from the love of his life.

Putting the phone against his ear, he muttered a, "Hello," almost cringing at how weak his voice sounded to even his own ears.

"Derek! Mark was telling us something happened to Meredith – is that her name? I'm not all too sure. What happened Derek?" His mothers relieved yet also slightly on edge voice came through the small speaker.

Ignoring the small poke at him not being home in eight months, Derek sighed, "I don't know what's happening," He answered truthfully. "One minute she was fine and the next I'm pulling her out of the bay, not breathing and as blue as the scrubs she's wearing."

"Do you know how she ended up in the water?" His mother's soothing voice came through the speaker as a tear slipped down his cheek before he harshly brushed it away.

"No, I – I," There was some shuffling through the speaker and it was a few moments before his mother's voice came back through the line. "Derek?"

"It's – It's just that she tried, I think she tried at least, but this morning, she was under the water in the bath and she wasn't coming back up. And when I finally pulled her back up, she was gasping and then she was angry at me." Derek explained, finding it had to get the right words out. "And then she was floating in the water, she was so close to the dock but she was so far down. She could have swum to the steps if she wanted to. I don't think she wanted to, mom."

"You don't know that." His mother reassured him or at least tried to. "She could have been startled or in shock."

There was no reply as Derek closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

"You don't think she jumped in, do you, Derek?" Carolyn was beginning to get worried, something wasn't quite adding up and she wanted to get to the bottom of it, especially if it was affecting Derek this much.

"I don't know, I don't know if she jumped in or what." Hearing his mother sigh on the end of the line, he apologised. "I'm sorry, it's just she was pulling away from me and then I find her practically drifting along the bottom of the bay. I don't know what to think right now. I don't even know if it was too late, how long she was down there for. I don't know if she'll ever wake up."

"Don't say that, Derek. Have some faith. They're still working on her, right? That means she's still fighting. She's still there." Carolyn thought back to when her husband died so many years ago and how Derek had never been like this over his death, and yet Meredith wasn't even dead officially. "Don't give up on her just yet."

"O-Okay," Derek nodded although his mother couldn't see him as he ran his hand over his eyes to rub the exhaustion that was beginning to set in away. "I can't stay outside this room any longer without knowing she's alive, I'm going down to the waiting room. And I need to give Mark his phone back before I drain it completely."

"Alright," His mother seemed hesitant about hanging the phone up. "Make sure you keep me updated with what's happening, the girls want to know too and you know how they get when they want something."

Derek chuckled a little at the comment before sobering up. "Ok." Was all he said before he hung up the phone and flipped it closed.

* * *

Carolyn stood in the kitchen after her son had hung up the phone on her. Ever since he had moved out to Seattle however long ago, they had barely had any contact with him. All they knew was that he had met someone else, someone who was twelve years younger than him and had divorced Addison.

From the information she had gathered, Derek really seemed to be in love with this intern, as she had been dubbed, but they didn't know much about her.

Yet, despite not knowing the girl, Carolyn couldn't help the pang in her heart as she thought about how she was being taken out of the world altogether. Mark had said he didn't think that she was going to wake up from whatever had happened.

For her son's sake, she hoped with everything she had that the intern woke up from this, just so that she wouldn't have to hear her son's voice sound so broken again.

* * *

 **Long time no update? In my defense, I went to a university open day last Friday and then I had various other shifts at work. Fun times… Anyway, the person on the phone was in fact Carolyn, so well done to the person who got that question right! I'm going to wrap up the bits with the original arc soon and then get on to the actual recovery, and hey, who knows, maybe we'll see more of Carolyn, Nancy, Kathleen, Lizzie and Amelia in the future?** ***cough* *cough***

 **I really want to write an alternate situation where Meredith gets shot instead of Derek in the season 6 finale because I really enjoy those stories? Oh, and I want to write something about the ambulance crash in 809/810? I should just stick to two stories but if you wanna see it, well I can't deny my readers!**

 **Also, name change! What do you think? Like it? It fits in with this lot of stories I'm releasing now and I was surprised that I could take it, to be honest. Anyway, let me know what you think of this chapter in the review section, I love reading what you all have to say about the chapter!**


	4. Alone

**Some Kind of Recovery**

 **Chapter Four**

* * *

 **:: Chapter Inspiration::**

 **:: Alone | Heart ::**

 _'Til now, I always got by on my own_

 _I never really cared until I met you_

 _And now it chills me to the bone_

 _How do I get you alone?_

 _How do I get you alone?_

* * *

The hands on the clock above the bar slowly moved around in circles. At last count, it had been three hours, forty -three minutes and twenty seconds since she had gotten the page to make her way down to the ER. That meant it had been three hours, seventeen minutes and twenty seconds since she stormed out of the hospital in the middle of her shift, in the middle of a tragedy.

She knew the facts. She was a doctor for crying out loud. The only reason they hadn't given up on trying to bring Meredith back was because she was one of their own and there would potentially be a lot of fall out for the hospital because they let the Ellis Grey's daughter die on their watch. If it had been anyone else coming through that door, they would have given up twenty minutes after they were brought in.

And because she was a doctor, she knew that there could have been many different reasons for Meredith not waking up, she could have all sorts of brain damage, considering nobody knew how long she had been under the water until Derek pulled her out and started CPR. By the time he had pulled her out, there very well could have been irreversible damage done and Meredith just wouldn't be Meredith anymore.

That thought made her shudder. She and only known Meredith for seven months and she was the most important person in her life. She had never felt a connection like the one they had with anyone else.

And then her dark mind started to drift to what her headstone would say and who would be there.

Thankfully, Burke pulled the stool next to her back slightly as he moved to sit down on it.

"Come say goodbye to your friend," He had told her and that had been the final nail in the head, they were about to give up on her. Burke's pager beeped from his waistband and he stood, offering his hand to her which she took shakily.

* * *

Pushing open the door to the trauma room, her breathing stopped for a second. Meredith lay on the trauma table, Dr Bailey leaning over her slightly as she pressed down on the younger woman's chest, forcing blood around the body. A large tube was taped to the side of her mouth, forcing air into her lungs, but the tube just made the already tiny woman look smaller, if possible. Her skin was grey, a sickly colour and Cristina was just glad she hadn't seen her earlier when she had just been pulled out of the water, she could only imagine the shade of blue she had been caused by the hypothermia she was no doubt suffering from.

Miranda stepped away from the table as Cristina entered, finally giving up on the woman that lay in front of her. They had been trying for too long, she was far too gone at that point, the damage undoubtedly irreversible at this point.

Her legs were about to give up on her so Cristina grabbed onto the first thing she could, Meredith's feet, which were covered in several layers of blanket."Try again," she muttered out. When nobody moved to follow through with her demand, she shouted it much louder, catching the attention of everyone in the room, "Try again!"

"One more round of A.C.L.S drugs?" Bailey asked cautiously, glancing at the chief who had a hand covering his eyes. Briefly, he looked up at her and she had to ignore the water forming in her bottom eyelid, "One more."

Quickly, she grabbed the needed syringe and pushed it through the IV they had managed to finally set up.

Everyone waited with baited breath as they watched the monitor which was still displaying a continuous flat line.

"Please, please, please," Cristina whispered to herself, squeezing the feet she held in her hands, willing any form of life to come back to the girl.

When nothing happened for thirty seconds, the chief looked down at his watch and tearfully pronounced, "Time of death, 16:49."

* * *

"Time of death, 16:51."

Throwing down the paddles, Derek hastily made his way out of the room. There was no way he was going to hang around while they took care of Meredith's mother's body.

Meredith, the name struck him like a lightning bolt and he had to wonder what had happened in the time he had been gone. Were they still working to bring her back? Had they given up yet? He needed to know.

Just as he was making his way down the hallway towards the trauma room, Mark appeared in front of him, taking him slightly by surprise.

Nothing the blank look on Mark's face he shook his head, "No, no, don't tell me her too."

"Her too? What happened?" Mark asked, completely forgetting his original mission.

Rubbing a hand over his face, Derek replied, "Her mother coded forty minutes ago, we couldn't get her back." And Meredith's gone too.

Mark must have noticed the look on his face because he was shaking his head in an instant. "Derek, it's not what you think," he told him, holding out one hand, letting it hover over Derek's arm for a second before pulling it back and letting it drop by his side. "She's awake, Derek."

That caused the neuro surgeon's head to shoot up and look at his ex -best friend. "Awake? She's awake as in she's alive?"

Mark nodded, smiling a little. "I have to see her. Is she okay? Is she breathing on her own? Does she have anything neurologically concerning?"

"She's breathing on her own, but..." Mark trailed off, not sure how to respond.

"What's wrong with her?"

"She's having trouble talking so they're going to run a few tests to make sure everything's okay. It could just be that she's exhausted from the hours she's been fighting for."

Before he could even finish the sentence, Derek had disappeared down the hallway down to the CT room.

Upon entering the room, Derek was greeted by Miranda sitting behind the computer, waiting for the images to appear on the screen. Through the glass he could see Meredith's body lying in the machine, laying very still but he could see her chest rising and falling slightly underneath the layers of blankets indicating that she was breathing and he relaxed a little.

At the sound of him entering the room, Miranda turned to look at him, noticing the distressed look on his face which quickly changed. She had half a mind to throw him out of the room for the pure fact that he was simply too close to Meredith but then decided against it remembering what he had been through that day and knew that she somewhat owed it to him after he had spent hours in an OR that had a bomb in it along with the girl he loved just to save her husband.

The images came up on the screen, the tension in the room disappearing as they came up clean, indicating there was no medical reason for her troubles speaking. Neither saying anything, they moved silently into the room, grabbing the gurney and shifting Meredith back onto it before raising the sides.

Miranda walked at the head of the bed while Derek walked along side, his hand slipping into Meredith's as they made their way down the halls to a private room. Meredith had bee asleep since they had decided to take her for tests, everything she had been through had been exhausting, as per expected, but some part of Derek had hoped that she would be awake so that he could check for himself that everything was okay, he, however, wasn't going to wake her.

Another reason he wanted her to stay asleep a little longer was because he didn't know how to tell her that her mother had died under his watch, that he couldn't bring her back. Derek knew he would have to be the one to break the news, it coming from anyone else would just seem wrong. He knew she had a long road to recovery ahead of her and didn't want to put under too much strain on her with the news.

Where did everything go wrong?

* * *

 **And this, my lovely people, is where we go a different route from where the show originally went. Oh, by the way, hey...? I haven't updated in two weeks... I had trouble writing this chapter but I eventually got it done and here it is for you! This story is also now available on wattpad under the same name (account and story), so check it out over there too if you feel like. I'd really appreciate any thoughts or input you have!**

 **SEASON 14 IS BEING FILMED PEOPLE!**

 **Sorry, thought I'd add that, I'm leaving now, see you next chapter...**


	5. You Found Me

**:: Chapter Inspiration ::**  
 **:: You Found Me | The Fray ::**  
 _Lost and insecure  
You found me, you found me  
Lying on the floor  
Surrounded, surrounded  
Why'd you have to wait?  
Where were you, where were you?  
Just a little late  
You found me, you found me_

* * *

Everything hurt.

Not just a small ache, but a really big, bone shattering pain.

Every breath she took caused shooting pain in her ribs and as she shifted her arms, the movement caused aches.

With a sigh - and a wince - Meredith blinked softly, letting her eyes adjust to the bright lights of the hospital room. She knew what had happened, unlike most people who woke up after being unconscious, or in her case dead, for a long period of time.

She remembered the ice cold water, the way that it filled her lungs and made it feel like she was being crushed from the inside out. She remembered waking up in a room that looked very much like a trauma bay, except that everything had a blue hue to it.

And then she remember the small list of dead people she had interacted with for several hours before she felt a rather large jolt of pain throughout her entire body, which then lead to her waking up with Cristina leaning over her, looking as if she was about to cry, which that in itself was concerning enough for her.

Meredith let her eyes scan the room, taking in every detail of the rather plain walls. There was a large window opposite her bed which gave her a view out into the hallway. It was late now, she guessed because a number of people that were passing by the window indicated it was only those that had to be in work at that moment.

The door was propped open, she finally noticed, with Derek standing, leaning against its frame. The way that she stood told her that he was exhausted, the worry lines on his face more prominent in that moment than she had ever seen them. His stance was tense, his blue eyes trained on her, watching her every move.

Neither said anything for a moment, both just holding the others eye contact, waiting for someone to say something, anything.

Derek stepped forward once, trying to decide if he was going to go over to Meredith's bedside or if he was going to stay at the door. There were so many things that they had to talk about, yet he didn't want to say them because it would end up with them more than likely arguing.

With a final sigh, he made his way slowly over to the bed, her grey eyes following his every move as he did so.

Reaching a hand out, he hesitantly brushed it over her forehead. Derek was hesitant because the last time he had done such an action, the skin that had met his hand in the trauma bay had been ice cold, blue.

He felt his shoulders relax a little as his hand was met with warm skin, although slightly paler than normal. Running his hand through her hair, Derek studied her for a moment.

"My mother's dead, isn't she?" Her voice was so much like a whisper, Derek almost didn't hear it. The question startled him a little, _how could she possibly know?_

All he could do was nod briefly, not being able to find the words as he studied her intently for any sort of reactions, finding himself receiving none.

Sinking back down into the covers a little, Meredith winced, "It's okay," She looked up at the ceiling, processing her thoughts, _it wasn't like she didn't know,_ yet the tears still stung at her eyes a little. "I think." She looked back down at Derek who had now crouched down beside her. "I think it's okay."

There was a faint glimmer in Meredith's eyes and Derek had to swallow the lump that was beginning to form in the back of his throat. _It was almost you today_ , he had to bite back the comment, not wanting to disturb the silence they had fallen into, him softly caressing the back of her hand with his thumb.

Finally, he asked her, "Are you in any pain?" It was a dumb question, of course, she was going to be in pain, she had had people pounding on her chest for four hours. When he was performing CPR on her himself, he could feel her delicate ribs cracking under the force of his hands.

"A little," she admitted, her head turned slightly towards him and her voice raspy.

Pressing the call button, a nurse appeared in the doorway in a matter of moments. Derek told the nurse about the pain and requested some morphine for her. After the last time Meredith was on morphine, she had sworn that she would never again accept the drug but Derek could see the pain on her face with every breath she took and knew he couldn't watch it anymore.

He could see her eyes drooping more and more as the seconds passed by and the medication took its effect, along with everything else that had happened that day.

Eventually, her eyes fell shut and stayed shut for longer than normal and he assumed she had finally fallen asleep now that she wasn't in as much pain anymore. Just as he was thinking that, however, she shifted, her eyes cracking open just enough that he could see the fear in her eyes.

Meredith reached out to pull the blanket up to her chin, watching Derek for a second. She then admitted, "I'm scared, I don't want to sleep." It was almost as if she didn't want to admit it to herself, but she did anyway.

Derek watched her for a moment, taking in every small detail before he nodded. If he was being honest, he was scared too. He felt like if he didn't keep his eyes on her at all times, she would disappear up, Derek made his way around to the other side of the bed, Meredith watching his every move.

Once he was on the other side, he pulled down the side railing and climbed up onto the bed behind Meredith, wrapping his arm around her waist and gently pulling her towards him. Once the rail was back in place, he leaned forward and buried his face in her hair. It didn't smell like it normally did, instead it smelt of stale salt water.

Almost instantly, her body slumped against him as she fell asleep. His arms around her waist allowed him to feel every time she took a breath which kept his mind from running too wildly, yet the thoughts kept starting up again every time she took a little too long to take a breath

He continued to lay there, his eyes just at the right height to peek over the top of her head at the heart monitor that told him her heart was still beating.

Derek seemed to be in a sort of catatonic state, only blinking when he needed to. He found himself not tired at all, the thought of sleeping actually made him shiver a little. At least if he was awake and anything went wrong, he was there and he could do something to help her.

The minutes passed and before he knew it, the light was pouring in through the window he was facing, causing him to blink at the bright light. That was when he realised that he must have laid there awake all night.

Derek looked down at Meredith, who was still tucked away in his arms but had turned in the night to face him. She was in an extremely deep sleep, as nothing seemed to be waking her at that moment, even as he tightened his grip on her, although she did shift slightly, mumbling something completely incoherent.

* * *

 **Here's chapter five for you! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and keep your eyes peeled because I may or may not be planning the next chapter, haha. Let me know what you think so far and maybe leave a follow or favourite? Thank you!**


	6. I'll Stand By You

**:: Chapter Inspiration ::**

 **:: I'll Stand By You | Pretenders ::**

 _Oh, why you look so sad?_

 _Tears are in your eyes_

 _Come on and come to me now_

 _And don't be ashamed to cry_

 _Let me see you through_

 _Cause I've seen the dark side too_

 _When the night falls on you_

 _You don't know what to do_

 _Nothing you could confess_

 _Could make me love you less_

 _I'll stand by you_

* * *

A small, almost hesitant knock sounded from the door. Derek turned in the bed to look at the door, just as Miranda entered, followed by her interns, minus Meredith. A quick glance at the clock told him it was five thirty, they were halfway through rounds.

Meredith was still asleep and he let her be, knowing they didn't wake VIP patients.

To his surprise, Richard entered behind them and closed the door for their privacy.

Derek untangled himself from Meredith, being careful not to jolt her in any way that would cause her ribs to move and hurt her more. He ran a hand over his face, trying in vain to wipe the exhaustion off his face but not succeeding. Dropping the side rail, he climbed down from the bed and into the visitor's chair next to it, pulling the rail back up once he was settled.

"Who's presenting?"

George stepped forwards, a chart clutched to his chest. "Meredith Grey, 29, drowning victim from the ferry boat crash yesterday morning. Suffered from hypothermia and asystole. Upon arrival was not breathing on her own and so was intubated."

"Was warmed up and we attempted resurrection. Upon investigation, there was no movement in the heart and was treated with a cardiopulmonary bypass. Also treated with a gastric lavage during her time in the ER. There were several failed attempts to resurrect. The patient went into Ventricular fibrillation several times."

"After resurrection was successful, the patient was sent to CT to check for any damage after having trouble verbally communicating. The scans came up clean and the signs that were present went away as the patient rested."

George was refusing to use Meredith's name during the whole presentation to try and distance himself from the situation. It was always difficult to treat people you were close to, that's why they refused to let doctors treat anyone they were close to. Derek had to admit, he didn't want to be as close to this case as he was.

"What is the course of action now, Alex?" Miranda asked, only briefly glancing at the intern in question before focusing her attention on Meredith, who was still asleep buried in her covers.

"We're going to keep the patient in for several days observation to make sure 'secondary drowning' doesn't occur. We also have a couple scans lined up later to make sure any rib fractures are not in danger of causing further damage to any organs."

"Thank you, doctor Karev." Richard Webber nodded to the intern before focusing his attention back on Derek, "Dr Shepherd, I'm sure you can relay all this information to Dr Grey when she wakes up?"

Derek only nodded in reply, not really trusting his voice to work the way it was supposed to at that moment.

"Wonderful, Doctor Yang will be returning in a couple hours to take Dr Grey for the follow-up tests we have scheduled. If you need anything, page any of us and we'll see what we can do."

After a brief pause Miranda exited the room, followed by her interns who seemed almost hesitant to leave the room, wanting to make sure that Meredith was fine for themselves. Derek had a feeling that Cristina had been assigned to Meredith's case because she wouldn't be able to focus on anything else, something that was the complete opposite to what she was normally like.

As Miranda passed Richard, they shared a brief look between them before she made it out the door.

Once everyone had left the room again, Derek sat up a little straighter in his chair next to the bed. "I think you are trying to say something, Chief."

"As you know, this is not going to be an easy recovery for Meredith," Richard started, watching Derek for any change in expression or his body language. "Drowning and dying is not something that is going to be easy to process mentally. Along with that, her mother died the same time as she did, but unfortunately was not able to be revived like Meredith was."

Richard noted the expression on Derek's face. Although his face remained emotionless, his eyes flickered slightly betraying him. He had read the chart, he knew who it was that spent the time trying to revive Ellis. He knew who was the one who called time of death. He couldn't imagine what was going through Derek's mind at the time of it all happening, or even what was going through his mind at that moment. He had been thrown out of Meredith's room, not being allowed to help her and then he had tried and failed to help Meredith's mother.

"I've signed off on three weeks sick leave for Meredith once she is discharged from the hospital. Two is for her recovery period to make sure she's healing correctly and is ready for when she comes back to work and the third week is for grieving. I know that Meredith and her mother were not that close, mainly due to myself, but it's still going to take a toll on her."

"I know that you will want to be with her over the next couple of weeks, but I couldn't put the head of neurosurgery out of work completely on such short notice as you are not on sick leave. However, I managed to give you a week and a half completely off but the first week and a half you will be semi on-call. If there is an emergency that we cannot handle, I'm afraid that you are probably going to be called in to assist."

Derek nodded slowly, taking in everything the chief had just said. He had basically taken the blame for Meredith suffering as a child when it was only partially his fault. But he did agree that recovering from this whole thing was going to take a lot out of Meredith. "Thank you, Chief."

"It's not a problem." He took a minute to study Meredith, who was miraculously still asleep. "I - I promised Ellis I would look out for her, it's the least I could do. I still see her as the four-year-old little girl that would run around the hospital halls with every member of staff wrapped around her little finger."

Reaching for her hand, Derek picked it up softly and held it in his. The warmth of it reminded him of what he almost lost and he shuddered at the thought.

"I'm going to go, if you need anything, either of you, just page and I'll see what I can do."

* * *

An hour later, the pain medication had finally worn off and Meredith had woken up from the ache in her chest.

Derek had been sat next to her, not moving, just watching the steady rise and fall of her chest as she breathed in and out, in and out. "You're watching me, again."

Her voice managed to startle him out of his thoughts and he raised his eyes to meet hers, relieved that she was awake again. "Hey."

"Hey," She whispered back.

"How are you feeling?"

"Ironically, like a truck has run over me." She laughed a little but quickly stopped at the sharp stabbing pains.

Noticing this, Derek asked, "Has your medication worn off?"

All she replied with was a slow nod, trying to shuffle herself into a more comfortable position on her back. Derek watched her helplessly, not sure what he could do to help her.

"What time is it?"

"Nearly seven, you slept right through rounds." He told her, brushing a strand of hair that fell onto her forehead away.

"Oh." Was her reply. "What did they say?"

"They're going to keep you here for monitoring for a couple days - to make sure there are no complications such as secondary drowning. They've also booked a couple of tests to make sure everything's okay which Cristina's going to come and take you to soon, I think." He looked at her for a moment before continuing. "You look a lot better than you did yesterday."

"I feel a lot better," She told him. "I think that sleep did me a lot of good. I haven't managed to sleep that long in years, although it was probably due to the drugs knocking me out for the count."

Meredith turned her head to look at Derek, "You haven't slept at all."

"I was too scared of what I'd see when I closed my eyes."

"Well, you should sleep. I don't think a patient would appreciate it if their doctor fell asleep in their brain," She joked.

"Yeah, about that..." Derek trailed off. "You've been given three weeks off to recover - mandatory." He added seeing Meredith about to protest. "And I've been put onto emergency only shifts for the first week and a half and the second I have off completely."

"Oh, okay."

The pair lapsed into silence, neither knowing what to say. The accident had taken a real toll on their relationship, it looked like. Derek didn't want to let her out of his sight and Meredith could tell by the look he was giving her constantly that he thought she did it on purpose.

"Meredith?" He finally worked up the courage to ask.

"Yes, Derek?"

"Could you... Did you... Could you maybe..." Derek couldn't find the right words to say, jumping between different sentences.

He looked at Meredith, who was looking back at him expectantly. "Ithinkyoushouldgetapsychconsult."

"What!?" She raised her voice slightly, not sure if she had heard him correctly, did he say he wanted her to have a psych consult?

"I think you should have a... psych consult." Once he had said that, Derek refused to make eye contact with Meredith, looking anywhere but at her.

"No."

His head shot up, "What?"

"I am not getting a psych consult, Derek. I don't need it. Why do you think I need it?"

Biting his lip, he still refused to look into her eyes, "Because of the bath tub. I called you eight times, Meredith, and when I walked into the bathroom, you were holding yourself under the water. I pulled you up and you were gasping for air. And then you disappear, no one knows where you are, but it turns out you're floating at the bottom of the sound."

His words had come out harsher than he intended but he couldn't help it. The thoughts had been plaguing his mind since yesterday morning, they just finally managed to escape.

"You think I tried to kill myself." The tense was evident in Meredith's statement. He could tell by her posture that he had hit a nerve and that only managed to spark his imagination further.

As Derek opened his mouth to reply, there was another knock at the door. Cristina was standing in the doorway, looking back and forth between the two of them, noticing the thick tension between the two of them. "Uh, I'm here to take Meredith to C.T." She entered hesitantly.

Meredith only nodded, refusing to look at Derek as Cristina prepared to wheel the bed out of the room.

Derek watched them disappear from the doorway before letting out a groan. This was a lot worse than he first imagined.

* * *

 **So that was this chapter for you. Not my best work, but I did promise the chapter to be up by friday and it's monday so... I'd really apprecaite it if you guys let me know what you thought of the chapter in a review - let's try and hit 30 reviews today please? That'd be amazing!**

 **Also, you guys are going insane over _The Grey-Shepherd Method!_ If you haven't checked that out already, please do, I'd really appreciate that guys! **

**See you next time, byee!**


End file.
